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blueness

Take me, baby, or leave me.

Posted on 2010.07.14 at 18:15
Who am I? This question isn't for me. It's for you. Or maybe it is for me, because I feel like publishing it. I have been so "quiet" on the internet lately, that I feel like need to restate this.

I am a feminist, a progressive, a mutliculturalist, and a pluralist. I do not approve of using the words "gay" or "retarded" as insults or to indicate that something is uncool, and I will tell it to you to your face. I will support anybody who I believe is being treated unjustly. I believe in a world where GLBTQ people can serve their country, marry their lovers, attend their religious services and raise their children in a safe and supportive environment. I believe in a world where Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, Wiccans and all religions can live side by side, treat each other as family, and celebrate each other's holidays. I believe in a world where women or men can stay home and care for their children. Likewise, I believe in a world where men and women work together, side by side, not just to raise their families, but also to run their businesses, communities, and their countries. I believe in a world where all children are free to be children, to attend school, to eat nutritious meals and to feel loved and wanted. I believe in a world where women can choose when, and with whom, they start a family, even if that means they choose abortion. I believe in a world where differences are celebrated, appreciated and valued. 

These beliefs shape the very core of my identity and how I view the world around me. If you don't like it, that's ok. But if you try to change me, you can go make friends with the door.

blueness

I miss you peeps

Posted on 2010.07.14 at 13:23
Just an hour or so ago I decided that i am going to stop being a lame slacking bad friend and at least post in my LJ more often. I think one reason I stopped posting on Vox was because it got too public. Well, there are other reasons too. Mainly, I want the comfort of my old friends. Are they even here still? Of that, I am not sure.

But I just wanted to say, i went through of my old posts, and a lot of posts tagged as "memories." Wow, just wow. I love you all so much! and I miss you dearly! And I am SO SORRY I have been so inactive and detached!

Love you!

blueness

On Vox: I'll have to remind myself

Posted on 2009.08.29 at 11:54

I'll have to remind myself everyday to write. I don't know what I have to say, but I know there's something there! Being unemployed feels like it sucks out my creativity, which is totally weird, because I have a ton of free time to do whatever I want.


I noticed it was very cool today though (I was actually cold) and I thought "Autumn is approaching," whihc kind of prompted to at least provide a bit of news to people.

  • I'm a married woman now! :o It's true. We were officially engaged in December of last year and got married on July 2nd. 
  • I do, in fact, live in Germany now. We live in a small apartment in Marburg, which is about an hour north of Frankfurt.
  • I've been unemployed for a while now. I only received my work permit a few weeks ago though, so hopefully soon I can find a job. The only problem is... I have no idea what I want to do, or what I'm even able to do...
  • A friend of ours, named Sigmundur (or Simmi, as we call him), is visiting from Iceland. He's been here two weeks now, and is going home on Monday. We were in France for a week, where I didn't have any internet.
  • I don't really know what I believe at the moment (and have been pretty confused about all that for a long time now). Since Simmi has been here, I have not faster once yet this Ramadan, but I intend to fast for a few days at least.
  • I'm happy in Germany but I  miss my family and if I could, I would book a trip to Florida to see them for Christmas in a heart beat.
Right... more to come later, I promise. But I'll actually write something.

Originally posted on skittled.vox.com


blueness

On Vox: updates and changes

Posted on 2009.07.30 at 07:31

I haven't updated in forever. and do you know why?


It's because I have changed so much in the last years, constantly, that I feel like I let my readers and friends down, or perhaps, I have deceived them. Who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going? Why am I even where I am? I don't know. I thought I knew, a while ago. But that was foolish youth, or maybe just a stage. Or maybe I really did know back then, but as times passes, the answers change and if you don't keep up, you don't know them anymore.

Or maybe it's not even the answers at all that matter.

At times I felt like I needed a new blog. Somewhere neutral to post, where I could go back to the safety of anonymity and say whatever I felt like saying. But isn't that just rude to my friends, my family, and everyone else who read what I had to say and commented? I couldn't get past that thought, so I just stopped posting pretty much everywhere.

I started writing again recently, and reading Tarot. It felt good, and it made me realize how much I missed Vox. I considered just making a new Vox and trying as hard as I could stay under the radar and never get any comments at all. But I think that's pretty hard to do on Vox. In many way, it is the antithesis of Vox, which prides itself on its community and networking abilities. 

So, here I am, again. Will you take me as I am?
PS post applies to LJ too, since I'll just cross-post most of them ;)

Originally posted on skittled.vox.com


blueness

no news is good news, right?

Posted on 2009.04.27 at 19:16
I've been nudged. <3 melly!

Ok, ok, I'm sorry! I know I should have posted a lot more/at all. Sometimes I write a post in my head and it never sees the light of the livejournal compose page.  that's just the way it is. So, I guess I shoudl just come out now and say:

I'm getting married. in May.

I doubt this comes as a surprise to many of you, even if you never even knew I was engaged until now. Aftr all, Oliver and I have been together now for  long time, and some of you knew that getting married was more than likely going to happen when I moved to Germany. I feel bad because I should have mentioned it months ago. But we're not having a big ceremony. Or a reception. We're just going to do the official business of it, and then hopefully, some day in the not so distant future we can have a nice celebration, and maybe a religious type or ceremony or something. Right now, we just haven't got the funds.

It's really exciting and and kind of disappointing all at the same time. I mean, I'm getting married! OMG! Few girls go their entire childhood without ever thinking about this milestone. But that's exactly it. I'm getting married! I really, really wish my friends and family could be here for it.

in any case, i love you all, and I really miss you, a lot. (I have dreams about you! and my dogs too).

blueness

home?

Posted on 2008.11.12 at 15:22
so hey people

...they lost my luggage.

also, it's cold.

i miss you lots!

blueness

flying sick

Posted on 2008.11.11 at 03:16
so, I'm sick. I've been sick for about three days. I think the worst is over, but I still feel like utter crap and flying is not going to be fun. I mean, I never enjoy flying, but I enjoy it even less when I'm sick.

For the record, I'm incredibly excited, terrified and sad. I'm excited because, wow! It's happening. It feels like my whole life has led up to this moment, truth be told. I guess it started when I was 12 and was talking on IRC with Europeans all the time. Got obsessed with Norway, and tried to learn Norwegian. My high school didn't offer Norwegian, but it did offer German and well, it seemed a lot more interesting than Spanish (which I took since kindergarten in Miami-Dade) and lot easier than French so I was like, hey, why not. Who knew then how Frau was going to be shape my life? It's been almost five years since I met Oliver, and I don't regret a single moment, but I am definitely terrified.  Almost everything I know is here. This is my home, with my dogs and my sister, and my dad.. and recently my aunt. It's one thing to move across the state, accross the country, even. It's another to move off the continent completely, a vast ocean separating us. Several times this week I've cried myself to sleep because while it was quite an easy decision to make on one level, it was the hardest decision I've ever made on another.

and I know I shut down after my mom died, and I locked everyone out. and I'm really sorry about that. and it's been almost two years now but I still cry myself to sleep sometimes, thinking about my mom. and I really missed you guys, because I needed you, but I wouldn't let anyone in, not even Oliver. I wrote a lot of journal entries I never posted. and well, I still don't know how to let go of this pain.  and I know this move won't change that. but it's time for this, so I'm doing it. even though seriously I wish I could delay it a day ro two because I'm so damn sick I can hardly go five minutes without coughing violently and being awake for more than a few hours makes me feel feverish and faint and makes my whole body ache. really, I've always got perfect timing with this sickness thing.

and yeah, in case you didn't notice, I couldn't sleep.

blueness

On Vox: Moving to Germany November 11th

Posted on 2008.10.27 at 22:35

Sorry I disappeared. I didn't really mean to.

Lots of stuff happened, has been happening, is still happening.

so, yeah. Moving November 11th!

xoxo

Originally posted on skittled.vox.com


blueness

btw

Posted on 2008.05.23 at 17:42
yes, i'm in germany
yes, it's awesome, as always.

no, i never want to leave!

blueness

news & updates and stuff

Posted on 2008.04.02 at 00:19
need to read LJ more often. I miss you guys :(

booked my flight for May 7 mostly thinking I'd been done with school around the 28th of april. why was I thinking that? no idea.. My final would be on the 22nd of April. funny story is we're getting a take home final. next week. and it's due the 15th. and then we're done. so, i have like 3 weeks after school is finished until i get my bummy bum over to D-land (yeah, you like that). i guess i'll work.. would be nice to work i s'pose.

speaking of such, i think i'm making progress. started training on wednesday mornings with a very small group of very supportive people. they call me smart and stuff, makes me feel good and not pitiful =P i think it's really helping already. but i still need to do my taxes and uhh yeah i didn't fill out FAFSA yet :(

i guess i'm counting down the days until i leave now, it's so soon. i feel like i'm 17. and i've been so needy and clingy  and co-dependent lately. definitely feel 17. somebody slap me and tell me grow back up.


still think i'm starting to make progress.

btw, did i mention we're going to the blizzard worldwide invitational in paris? cuz we are. nerd alert.

love you all. sorry i'm insane.

PS jody i went on irc and you weren't there. seriously, i mean, wtf? how could you complain that i'm never there if you're not there either. seriosuly jody, w   t    f.

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